Have you ever found yourself on the opposite side of an argument, unable to get your message across? Or worse, you know you are right and your opponent is wrong, and yet, you can see the audience siding with your opponent. Enter the “Art of Persuasion.”

One of my goals this year is to read at least 15 new books – five of them business-focused. To this end, I was recently in a bookstore, wandering the aisles, trying to decide what to read next. All of a sudden a title jumped out at me – “Thank You for Arguing” by Jay Heinrichs. Great title, right? But it was the subtitle that really sold me: “What Aristotle, Lincoln, and Homer Simpson can teach us about the art of persuasion.”

“Thank you for Arguing” is about the ancient art of rhetoric, made popular by Aristotle. Essentially, rhetoric is not as much about being right, as it is about winning the argument. It is about presenting your argument – finding the right form to deliver your message (Pathos, Ethos or Logos) combined with the right timing. What is most important is doing a little thinking up front, so that you can be sure that how and when you deliver your message it will win over your audience.

Much of today’s argumentative society seems to have lost, the forgotten art of rhetoric. Our talk shows are full of people like Bill O’Reilly or Sean Hannity who take a position and then proceed to verbally crush their opponents into submission. Our government is no different – the Democrats and Republicans go after each other on the Senate floor and in the press. Many people say our country is more divided now that we have been since the Civil War. I agree with this sentiment and believe most of the division can be attributed to communication.

Communicating should not mean a shouting match with the objective of pulverizing the opponent; the objective of communication should be delivering the right message.
I won’t spoil the details of the book but I do highly recommend reading it. And then reading it again.

OK, back to winning the argument in your office. Here are some quick tips to consider:
Arguments almost always come down to one of three issues:

1) Blame: Who did it? – Generally what occurs in the past. Rhetoric threatens punishment.
2) Values: Often a belief in a specific issue (abortion or same sex marriage) – Present thoughts and beliefs at this moment.
3) Choice: Should we dance or not dance? – What could happen – in the future – promises a payoff.

You can’t change the past so don’t argue about it (blame). The rhetoric of the present handles praise and condemnation, separating the good from the bad, distinguishing groups from the other groups and individuals from each other (values). So always try to focus your argument on what’s ahead – always try to make your argument about choice.
How to win an argument:

1) Set your goal: What do you want to accomplish coming out of this discussion? If there is no outcome, there is little reason to argue in the first place. Don’t argue just to be right. Argue to win.
2) Change your opponent’s mind by taking the anger out of the argument: Agree with them first; then use that point to change their mood and/or mind. Change the mood by softening them up with your agreement. If you resist instantly they will resist back. It is just human nature.
3) Create the desire to act on the idea: It is not just about showing them how you are right. It is also about how to get them to take action on your belief. Only then – when behavior is changed – will you know you have changed them.

Rhetoric tends to finish with people bonding or separating. The goal should always be to find what bonds. The most productive arguments use choice as their central issue and keep the argument in the right tense – future. Pick up a copy, you won’t be disappointed.

PS: A great movie is “Thank you for Smoking” – It highlights many of the same truths.